As soon as you realize holding on to the pain does not serve you, you are ready. Forgiveness can happen immediately after the wrong is done, days after, or even years later. It is however good to note that the sooner you allow yourself to forgive, the better chance you give yourself to heal from pain caused.
Why should you only forgive when you realize holding onto wrongs does not serve you? Because only then can we truly let go, and let God. When we see for a fact that hating that person, talking ill of them, avoiding them in social gatherings, secretly planning on revenging to make the situation ‘even’, killing them every day in our hearts and minds, is not adding value. Only then can we let go, and move on.
Just like it is easy to let go of possessions that no longer add value to our lives, so it is easier to let go of pain and anger that doesn’t build you, once you see it for what it really is.
Here’s the tricky part: You want to forgive this person who hurt you so bad and move on, but how do you influence yourself to get to the point where you’ve completely forgiven them? One, if this is a person close to you, say, a relative or a colleague at work, you could start by doing something nice for them. Maybe buy them a bar of chocolate, a lovely card, a piece of art, etc. Something to show them you are no longer bitter as a result of their actions, and that you are ready to put the past behind you. However, don’t do something that might require you to sit down with the person and have a conversation if you are not ready yet, like inviting them for coffee.
If this person is not really close, you could start by unfollowing them on social media. Stop stalking them just to see if bad luck has befallen them so you can celebrate, and write ‘karma is a bitch’ on their timeline. Unfollowing them on social media means you get to avoid any anger that may come when you see their posts. Do this until the day when thoughts of them no longer make you sad.
Lastly, keep yourself busy by being awesome at what you are good at. We tend to focus more on people who hurt us when we have nothing major going on in our lives. Invest more time taking care of yourself, honing your skills in a particular field, or investing in a business, such that you will have very little time to be sad at people who want to see you sad.
Remember, you give away your power when you let other people decide how you are going to feel for the day. Don’t let them!